Thursday, June 12, 2014


Yesterday . . . . yesterday I burst into tears several times.  Sadness, hurt, loss.  Because of this I felt a deep longing for peace.  I have a friend in town and we did a yoga session at 10 pm last night.  In the middle of the corpse pose my mind cleared and I heard, "To find peace, you must create peace."

I feel connections to both members under church court right now - it is because of John Dehlin that I am still here and found a way safely through my faith transition.  I'm not an avid fan but he will always have my eternal gratitude.  He has always given audience to the whole spectrum of Mormon thought; from exmormons to never-had-a-question-a-day-in-their-lifers.  I found it heartening that wherever one was on the spectrum there was a community and an ability and invitation to stay.  It is true that without John Dehlin, I don't believe the new doctrinal essays recently published on would have even come about.  There is great need for more transparency which he has worked to bring about. 

The existence of Ordain Women, I think, has brought about positive changes in the church that I believe would not have come without a little public agitation (broadcasting phood session,  putting pictures of women up, adding them to "leadership" page of conference ensign, and yes I even believe Elder Oaks' talk wouldn't have happened without it, etc.).  I don't think Ordain Women has necessarily made good choices as an organization and I think they have made mistakes.  But if all these women had ever done was only discuss questions and issues privately with their bishops I don't think we would be where we are at today.  I feel like there is a conversation because of them.  People are more willing (and the extremes are less willing) to respectfully consider and discuss and ponder over these issues.  And yes, that includes me - even though I have not come to a conclusion on women's ordination I find it such a gray murky area that begs for further revelation which I hope will happen in my lifetime. 

In the midst of all of my feelings, I also feel fear.   After a day to reflect all I can say is that I believe this action will quash discussions on women that have been happening.   Everything that has been said about K. Kelly has been said to me and my baby steps advocacy.  Can you imagine the responses I'll get now? If I found hostility before how can I expect to find understanding?  I am so lost right now.

And yet I have this overwhelming need to find and create peace.  If you see others tearing each other down (online or otherwise) without charity, please remember to do all we can to create peace.  Do not react if so doing will not bring peace.  Cutting these two members off of the Body of Christ does not solve any of our problems cleanly as a faith community.   There are so many lost and hurt right now, and crowing your "victory" and others' demise surely does not invite peace and love.  Please, find a place for your brother and your sister.  There are many right now eying the exit door wondering if you feel the same way about them. 


1 comment:

  1. Yes. I especially love your last paragraph. Yes, yes, yes. (And yes to more yoga with you as soon as we possibly can!)