Wednesday, June 11, 2014

More Love

A little part of me died today.  I think it was called hope.  Hope that this faith community could widen the stakes of its tent and follow through with the words of Elder Uchtdorf, that "Regardless of your circumstances, your personal history, or the strength of your testimony, there is room for you in this Church."  That those with questions or doubts or unorthodox beliefs could be welcome and loved.

The last four years I survived a faith transition, and in the middle of my "mini crisis" I found a few of John Dehlin's podcasts over a Mormon Stories that really helped me anchor my faith in the Gospel make my faith even more unshakable.  They were much more helpful than any of the reactions of my family members.  This week both John Dehlin and Kate Kelly were notified of the excommunication proceedings to be held this month (NYT).  Kate's notice came after she moved out of the ward and court will be held in her absentia as she moves to Kenya for her job.

I really am trying to reconcile what I think the Gospel of Jesus Christ is, what I believe the vision I see in Elder Uchtdorf's words . . . very clearly there is not room for everyone in this church.  Kate's bishop told her she didn't have to change any of her opinions, she just had to never say them out loud except in the confidence of her bishop.

So what does this mean for me?  And the thousands of women and men like me who are faithful and diligent and feel alone and in fear that they have nowhere to turn to, no place of understanding and love and unconditional acceptance of who they are and where they are at?   Are we facing another Mormon Purge?  What about members who are determined to live authentically, to not hide who they are or what they think?  We are smart enough to know the Lord loves us, all of us - questions and all.

What does this mean to me, a Mormon Feminist?  Am I to be forced into silence?  And who will be next?  What we really think we are doing is helping others stay, bringing others to Christ.  And as I discuss and work personally and privately with a variety of members one on one who are reaching out to me . . . what am I to say?  That you can be here but never ever say what you really think?  Just pretend to be something you are not?  You can be here, but only if you think this way, act this way, and say these things? 

All I can say is to love.  Love those we don't understand.  Love those we don't agree with.  What we don't need in this church is more judgment and fear.  What we need is more love.  I pray I can be an agent of change, to love more widely and deeply - and I pray the same for all of you.



6 comments:

  1. Kristine, I am so amazed at you and others online with the patience and forgiveness to say "keep loving". I have so much anger in me (not all of it church related...but enough). You make me happy and sad at the same time. Happy that there are such amazing people in the world and sad that I just am not one of them. I am scared by this and angry. It definitely doesn't make me want to go back to church. It increases my distrust.

    I want to be more like you and more like a couple of the posters at FMH. I want to love and forgive and trust.

    As always, I enjoy your posts.

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    1. thank you for your comment! I wish you could sit next to me in church and we could have all the feels together.

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  2. You're a very generous person. I'm not Mormon, but I feel very sad for all the hurt that people are experiencing. It's troubling.

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    1. yes, much sadness - much hurt. Hopefully we will find strands of hope to hang on to.

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  3. I feel terrible for the grim folks who are sitting back and saying, "Serves them right!" That much bile can't be good for a body. The rest of us will grieve, but I think we need not fear, not too much.

    I think the specific positions OW took, which I don't think you've taken, are in large part responsible for what we're seeing here (in Kate Kelly's case - I have yet to hear any detail on what leaders consider actionable for John Dehlin). The rest of us will go on raising concerns and living with the same nonsense we've always had, without putting our membership at risk, as long as we're willing to concede that we're not the final word on the subject.

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    1. Thanks, I agree - well, at least I hope you are proven right!

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